What are you Selling?

Attended my first auction and managed to be outbid on every item I wanted. This was probably a good thing as the proceeds were for a local need and very worthy cause. It being my first experience has of course become blog fodder.

I was fascinated by the barkers lyrical cadence as he grabbed the attention of the good folks looking to support the cause.

“Now wouldn’t you just love to have this bath combo? Smells good and hey it IS Saturday night.”

He pointed out the unique qualities in order to interest the buyers. Once the bidding started it was competitive as one out bid the next as if daring the others to up the bid.

In another room items were set up for a silent auction. Each item had a bid sheet where you wrote an amount and your name, etc. Checking back I noticed an item I had bid on had a competitor. No sooner had I upped my bid than the other bidder DOUBLED the bid. I laughed and conceded. She shared how a hard to shop for friend admired the item and would soon have a birthday. She was definitely claiming the item at any cost. And so the evening went. Wanting to do my part in supporting the cause I managed to claim an item and cheerfully paid the cashier at the auctions end.

Society today is doing a great job of “selling” us on a concept. Years ago it was ads for cigarettes—always showing young, fit and beautiful models pleasantly puffing away as if to imply you too could be this young looking fit and beautiful if only…(Of course we all know what a lie that was.) So I ask, what are you selling?

Perhaps you are putting yourself out there for the highest bidder…advertising only the attributes you believe are in demand. Hey, you smell good and it’s Saturday night. Maybe you are silently on the fringe hoping SOMEONE will notice you and make an offer. Are you on the shelf assuming there is no market for what you have to offer—afraid of rejection?

Overhearing a conversation about an item being heatedly bid on I had an epiphany. The item was a single pecan pie made by a friend’s mother-in-law. It sold for a price any caterer would salivate over. His remark, “It’s worth every penny too—though I get it free.”

You see value isn’t necessarily tied to the price tag. Whether the pies were lovingly prepared for a family gathering, funeral repast of a lost friend or donated to be sold to the highest bidder for a worthy cause… it was still the same pie.

All too often we find ourselves with a “finger in one too many pies” spreading our time, talents and energy on wasted causes. You have value—don’t sell yourself short. Don’t remain on the shelf or silently hoping to be noticed then sulk and complain you are alone.

Yes, you have value. Finding the right relationships means risk taking. Yes, there will be those who entice you into giving of yourself—only to dismiss you later when you fail to meet their expectations. Yes, there will be those who have no clue of your real value—and those who will do whatever it takes to appreciate your worth. You will always be you—as God created you to be. Regardless of the packaging, everyone has value to someone. My advice…wait for and go home with the right bidder. Live loving the journey.

Raining on the Inside

It is amazing how many songs have rain either in the title or amid the lyrics. Country songs to Christian, melodic to rock ballads, blues or jazz…rain is almost synonymous with being down—with exception to the all time favorite in “rain” songs Singing in the Rain. I have to admit, unlike Gene Kelly. I have allowed rain to affect my mood negatively. Since rain for me often translates to pain my negativity may simply be a reaction to pain.

Living in a drought plagued part of Texas I fully understand the need for rain…so it was a rare rainy day in Texas and rather than fight pain I settled myself on the couch with my comfy pillows and DVD remote. I had chosen a movie title at random on loan from the library and had just laid back to drift at will. It was a drama full of heart wrenching injustices. One character—a surviving twin, often sat staring off, her personality rather flat. When asked why she responded,

“Some folks gotta do their best to feel nothin’ just sos they can keep livin’.”

That phrase struck a cord in me. I have oft struggled with the best way to explain the form of depression I battle… dysthymia.

Anyone who may struggle with depression knows the dark side. However, I don’t have the up and down mood swings of some, nor do I have dark or brooding thoughts. I simply feel…nothing.

The human body has a variety of coping mechanisms—it is how we deal with difficult life experiences. Dysthymia’s clinical description is as a mood disorder. It was my mind and body’s reaction to a life of uncertainty. I gave the appearance that all was well while pushing my concerns, desires, hopes, dreams and fears deeper and deeper. It became a way of life…for decades.

The past year has been a time of growing. Layer by layer the real me is beginning to take shape. With that growth comes a different sort of pain. Pain at the realization I missed so much. I feel like the unfinished country song stuck on the refrain…waiting for someone to come along and write the ending.

My friends, should you struggle to “do your best to just feel nonthin’’ in order to cope…my suggestion is to speak to a counselor who can help you wake up and move on. Live well, Laugh often and Love much.

Facing the Bully

While spending an evening with my grandson I had the opportunity to observe the workings of his unique mind. He is learning how to handle the stresses of his busy Asperger’s Syndrome thought processes and for the most part it seems a success story.

As he was playing a video game I noticed his growing agitation. Trying my best to redirect him yet he played on—determined to finish what he had started. The on screen enemy that at first was easy to defeat became a great challenge as the difficulty level increased. His squeals at a fevered pitch, I knew a full on melt down was imminent.

Arms flailing, drenched in sweat, my grandson shouted at the game avatar—“You are nothing but a bully. Why don’t you pick on someone your own size!?!” As if a light bulb of revelation dawned he calmed. “Oh, we are the same size.”

We all must face battles in life. There may even be situations that leave you drained and inconsolable. Failure seems imminent as our fears loom large above us ready to defeat. Wouldn’t it be great to stand firm, facing struggle head on, only to discover it is not as big and bad as we imagined.

My friend, I urge you to follow my grandson’s example—oh not the out of control, frenzy obsessions of his often over worked mind…but the ability to face life issues, accept them and move on. It may surprise you to discover they are not as bad as imagined. Live loving the journey.

Be the Rainbow

Not to sound like a Skittles commercial…but I was asked to post a favorite quote attributed to the late Maya Angelou. As I had just included a quote in my personal journal it was a simple task…                                                                                  “Be the rainbow in somebody’s cloud.” –Maya Angelou

This quote has been a goal of mine for quite some time. It isn’t always an easy thing to do. Especially of that person who has chosen to remain in the clouds of despair—your attempt at encouragement is not received and often rebuked. As though the old adage of “misery loves company” were gospel to live by. Pain is a cruel taskmaster and also a robber of joy.

There was a period of time in my life that I existed in a constant state of depression. Years of practice had allowed me to handle stress and pain in such a way as to hide behind a wall of conformity. It wasn’t that I appeared to be miserable—on the contrary. Few individuals knew of the Dysthymia diagnosis. Even as a young teen I can recall times of feeling absolutely nothing. It was my way of coping.

After allowing the diagnosis to dictate far too many years of my life I chose a path of rediscovery. By redefining the parameters of my life, my faith and my relationships I was able to change my future. Today I live my life striving to feel every moment of life. Yes, there are days of pain and doubt but the days of pure joy and pleasure far outweigh the negative.

By choosing to “Be the rainbow” in the experiences of others I have discovered a link to finding the rainbow in my own life. Whether I am delivering a care package to a friend or extending a smile to a stranger I know I am alive and enjoying that life one day at a time.

My friend, if you have been struggling to find yourself I suggest you employ Maya’s advice and try being the rainbow to someone and then watch how your own life changes. Enjoy the journey.

Fitting the Pieces Back Together

A recent journey was cut short as I was sidelined by an injury. My left knee after several long months has been poked, twisted, x-rayed, stretched and injected. The doctor has decided it will not improve without the intervention of surgery. A date has been set and after being poked, x-rayed, relieved of several vials of blood and given an EKG—I have been declared ready for surgery. All that’s left now is the food restrictions the night before and the lovely task of washing with the antibacterial scrub provided. *SEE Gelatinous GOO entry.

It can be frustrating, those times in our lives when we are delayed or detoured by circumstances. When it seems all we can do is wait for the fractured pieces of our lives to be fit back together. Sometimes the next step is painful in the same way a surgeon must take his scalpel and extract, trim, or remove whatever is causing the problem—our circumstances must also face the cutting edge of change.

I have been warned that once the cutting is complete and the surgeon carefully repairs and sutures the tattered and frayed edges back together I will be in pain. It will be necessary to first rest my knee and then to strengthen it through physical therapy. If I am to regain mobility it is important that I adhere to the doctors instructions—even though it will hurt.

Are there areas of your life that are fractured? Perhaps there are relationships that have been broken or wounded. Are there attitudes or habits that need adjusting? Perhaps you have been “running on empty” for so long you have forgotten your body needs rest. Are you holding on to past hurts—never surrendering them to the Healer of all hurts?

In the same way my knee would remain weak and pained without the attention of the surgeon…my heart would remain fractured if left embittered by holding on to past hurts. Moving forward means laying the broken pieces of fractured dreams, severed relationships and hopelessness at the feet of the Prince of Peace. My fellow travelers I urge you to lay your burdens down…stop, rest a bit, regain your strength and move on. Continue loving and living the journey.

Living Above the Weather

The weatherman has been working overtime lately. It seems no part of our nation has been free of unseasonable weather. Texas has been colder than is customary. Florida has been warmer. A daughter in Ohio has experienced both heat and cold inclement weather patterns. I read an article about a school in Georgia that had an impromptu sleepover as students were stranded following a snow storm in Atlanta, GA.

There is a song associated with winter that starts with, “Oh the weather outside is frightful and the fire so delightful. Since we’ve no place to go, Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.” I’m quite sure I learned that in school while living in the northern climes in an effort to teach us of contentedness. However, as the weather patterns of recent winters have changed causing states that do not normally see the white fluffies being caught unprepared. I happen to be residing in one of those states.

The wind howling outside my window today bears no resemblance to the sunshine and temperature in the mid 80s of 2 days ago. Texas—along with much of the country is being bombarded with yet another winter storm of cold temperatures, sleet, ice and snow. I must admit to my share of choice words for the weatherman. However, today I chose to enjoy the warmth of spiced hot cider and my heated blanket. As the lyrics make note, “since we’ve no place to go—let it snow!”

I’ve no doubt there are those who would lament, “Go ahead and sing YOU don’t have to be out in this mess,” or “Sing to the tune of car repairs come spring for all the pot holes you didn’t dodge.” For some—myself included, this weather causes tremendous pain to muscles, joints and connective tissues inflamed by the up and down weather pattern.

Regardless of whether you are braving the cold for fun and games or struggling at work to make ends meet, your attitude has no effect on the weather. So why allow something you have no control over decide your frame of mind? The same could be said for many things in our daily lives. We fret over a possible future outcome, we rehash old hurts while holding grudges—when none of that is within our control. The next time you find yourself wasting energy becoming aggravated, stressed or depressed over something out of your control stop breathe deep and “Let it Snow!”

Stay safe and warm on your journey my friends. Choose to live above the weather and not under it.

The heart of a Teacher

I’m sure we have all seen the phrase on bumper stickers or tag line, “If you can read this—thank a TEACHER!” A true sentiment but so short sighted as an accurate descriptor for educators today. It takes a special type of person to be a teacher. Although I personally can teach I have neither the heart nor strength to make a good teacher. Why? Because being a teacher is more than a career—it is a calling. I believe the best teachers are those who have realized just that.

Amid cutbacks in spending they go without extras in order to see to it their students have what they need. Lunches seem to multiply like loaves and fishes for that student who never has lunch. Desk drawers and cupboards hold extra socks and snacks, mittens and munchies and a host of hygiene supplies as their students’ age. For you see they never stop being the teacher. Years go by and yet when passed on a street corner, in a restaurant or department store they hear their name moments before being engulfed in an embrace. To be told over and again how their class changed lives. How that extra encouragement made a difference. Some may not realize it at the time, but as they look back from their successes they see it was that one teacher who changed the course of a life.

Those students deemed the unlovely find love. The underachiever is motivated to succeed. The student ready to give up finds hope. They see value in that one feeling worthless amid a storm of doubt.

Teachers change lives. A friend shared an example of what I’m trying to convey…

It seems a former student of hers had made a point of seeking her out several mornings. He, now 18 had shared some medical concerns with her. Trying to convince him of his need to take responsibility for his own health needs she said,

“You know, no one is going to care more about you than you care about yourself.” And with complete sincerity he looked her right in the eye and responded, “You do.”

She shares, “ My heart swelled and kind of broke a little. That’s what it is to be a teacher.”

The next time you hear about a school closing for lack of support, or God forbid another shooting—stop and ask yourself if you were in their shoes, what would you do? If you have been impacted by a special teacher in your life…make an effort to let them know. Their job is often a thankless one. Where would many be if not for the heart of a teacher?

Life—Strings Attached

Bowstrings launch weapons of attack

Bombastic fiercely loyal defends

Aftershocks of emotion full throttle—

Bulldog in a china shoppe

Kite strings to freedom soar

Creativity gliding on the wind

Expanding world more demanding

Ever launching again and again

Shoestrings hold it all together

Resistant of help—a team of one.

Harp strings bring harmony of purpose

A yoyo string does nothing but spin

Mother of all mothers, Friend above friends

Navigator of life you are

Welcoming the weary at what cost

Surviving not thriving the tradeoff

Heartstrings connecting one to another

Tenuously tangled and tethered

Complicatedly Simple these strings of life

Unbound yet still together

Shoes

The little boy had already made numerous trips down the hall to the lobby. It was his job to take the items no longer needed or wanted and leave them for anyone who wanted them. He would deposit whatever he had been carrying and dash away. Bric-a-brac, stacks of Tupperware, mismatched cups all found their way onto the table and ultimately into one of the many apartments as friends and neighbors helped themselves to what they could use or pass on.

His steps slowed—not that the 5 year old was tired. He slowly placed a pair of woman’s running shoes, laces loosely tied together. Turning away a sob caught in his throat. Swiping at unbidden tears he slowly walked back to the near empty apartment. It was as if the act of placing Great Grandma’s shoes on the table somehow made the whole thing final. Recalling seeing his grandmother one week ago as she lay in the casket. No, Granny didn’t need shoes anymore.

I pondered the significance of shoes…many life lessons are associated with shoes.

“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world.”

“If you want to forget your troubles—put on a tight pair of shoes”

“Cinderella—proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life”

If the shoe fits…?

Some even wax philosophical contemplating footwear.

You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their shoes

You never truly know someone til you walk a mile in their shoes.

Even Gandhi had a quote about shoes. “Three quarters of the miseries and misunderstandings in the world would finish if people were to put on the shoes of their adversaries and understood their points of view.”

And for a little boy realizing the finality of death… Granny left behind some pretty big shoes to fill.

It seemed fitting to write about shoes on a blog dedicated to the journey we are all making. Perhaps today you are thinking how much easier life would be if you only had an easier path or at least better fitting shoes. Are you waiting like Cinderella for the magic slipper and a happily ever after life? Perhaps your shoes are too tight from being stepped on at every turn. Or maybe your shoes are scuffed and worn—like your spirit and could just use a little tender care. Whatever your position in life, my friends—keep walking forward. Remember to wipe the dust from your feet before moving on leaving behind all bitterness and envy. Enjoy life, kick up your heels and dance as you live loving the journey.

The Sea of Glass

It had been a trying morning. Dealing with chronic pain on top of an injury was dragging my spirit down. The weather was cold and gloomy and my spirit concurred. Feeling unattractive and unloved I was certain I could never be used of God in such a broken state—how could this be beneficial?

Reading through the headlines it seemed even the news was all of all of a negative nature. Then an article about a unique beach in California caught my attention. According to the title of the article the entire beach was made of glass. The photographs revealed the beach littered with a rainbow of colored gems. The phenomena known as sea glass occurs over time as water, waves and erosion wear away the jagged and sharp shards of glass bottles and items that find their way into the ocean. Glass components can’t be broken down any further—the surfaces simply become smoother and more rounded over the course of time. This constant pressure from waves and surf is what gives the glass its gem like quality.

What was remarkable to me as I read was how essentially trash was transformed into something beautiful. The discarded bottles and other items were thrown away. The water, wind and waves polished them to a smooth rounded finish. The same trash that was discarded became collectible—to the point signs are posted warning collectors to refrain from removing the bits of colored glass.

God takes the rough edges, sharp barbs and broken pieces of our being and transforms them into something desirable. There are moments we feel we cannot possibly be broken down any lower. We are tossed aside as insignificant rubbish—even avoided for fear we might cause harm to another. Taking our brokenness and making something beautiful is God’s specialty.

The constant pounding of seawater and surf knock off the rough edges of bottles making them smooth. What has molded you into the person you are today? Do you have jagged edges and barbs that still need addressing or have your rough edges been worn away by adversity? Has time washed you smooth making you into a rare jewel?

The next time you feel as though the waves are too much and will pull you under, stop fighting. Let the master craftsman handcraft your life into something well rounded and beautiful. He promises to never give you more than can be handled. Relax and let the tide take you to a place more beautiful than you can imagine. Enjoy the journey my friends.

As an added note add at least one of these beaches found at Hanapepe HI or Benicia, and Fort Bragg, CA to your “Bucket List” of things to see.